sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
