just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
