My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
