I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
