I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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