I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
