I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
