The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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