well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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