I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
