he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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