how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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