dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
