Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
