Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
even my farts smell like vagina
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
