Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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