I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
