No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
