my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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