didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
