You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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