The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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