So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
