Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Fuck appropriateness.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
