btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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