We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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