I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
