just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
