Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
