Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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