I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
