You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
