You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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