just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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