Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wear drunk well.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
