her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
