I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Randomize
