I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
