I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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