i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
