Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
