Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize
