did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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