Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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