Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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