How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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