My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
