do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
A bitchslap is in order.
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