saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.