So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.