Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
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I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together