it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
