it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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