I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
