She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
