Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
