So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
