I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
