I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
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The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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