Umm I'm too high to move.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
