I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
