I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
