Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
