I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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