i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
