whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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