Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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