Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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