I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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