so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
