you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Drunk is not a location!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
