Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
