Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
