Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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