So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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