Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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