He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
