you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
