don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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