The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
