Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm too high and old for this...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
