You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
