hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
