I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
