Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I need to sanitize my soul.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
