Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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