She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
