i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
