One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
