Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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