I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
